When you ask yourself, Should I get back together with my ex?, the answer will depend on the nature of your relationship and the circumstances surrounding your break up. Obviously these are unique to you and your ex.
Deciding if you should get back with your ex also depends on how much time has passed since your break up. If your break up was fairly recent (within the last month, say) and emotions are still running high, it is too early to make a sound decision about getting back together with your ex.
If some time has passed and you’re leaning one way or the other but have trouble making a firm decision, read on.
These guidelines will help you decide if you should get back together with your ex, or not – whether your relationship deserves another chance.
They will also help you if your ex wants to get back together but you aren’t sure you should agree.
Should I get back with my ex? – the answer may be YES, if:
- You ended the relationship, and regret it. (Your reasons for regret must be solid, not just that you hate being alone, and so on.)
- You enjoyed a fulfilling, loving relationship with your ex up until your break up. (Ask yourself how happy you were for how much of the time you were together.)
- External pressures such as financial problems, family issues, illness, and so on, played a large role in your problems and subsequent break up.
- Your break up was out-of-the-blue, triggered by an unusual event and/or a built-up of stress that took one or both of you unexpectedly to boiling point.
- You can identify specific problems that led to your break up that you believe can be solved or forgiven. (If your ex cheated, get advice on whether to give a cheating ex a second chance.)
- You have solid signs your ex wants to get back together too, or they have said so.
Should I get back with my ex? – the answer may be NO, if:
- They were the one that ended the relationship.
- Your relationship has always been difficult.
- Your relationship problems stem from personality and behaviour traits that remain unchanged and are unlikely to change.
- You have broken up and got back together with your ex at least once already.
- You have a history of remaining in unhealthy relationships at all costs.
- You are afraid of life without a partner – any partner.
- Your ex clearly considers the relationship over, for good.
The answer is definitely NO if:
- You have suffered mental and/or physical abuse. You owe it to yourself to stay away long enough to get back a true sense of what’s “love” and what’s not.
- There are problems with alcohol and drug abuse. Don’t kid yourself that “love” will make them disappear. Most addicts must reach rock bottom before seeking professional help. Only then can love make a difference – maybe. Until then, it won’t.
Finally, ask your friends and family, “Should I get back together with my ex?” They can provide a valuable outsider’s view of whether or not you should get back together or let go and move on. They can biased and of course don’t know your ex like you do. But they do know you.
The ultimate decision about getting back with your ex or not must be made by you alone. After all, you are the one who will have to live with your decision.
Hopefully the above points will help you reach the right decision – Yes or No – about your ex but before committing yourself, live with it for a week or two.
If you feel the answer is “No” – it is not a good idea to get back with your ex – get help to get over your break up, feel confident about the future and move on.
If the answer is “Yes”, move slowly. Check out tips and advice on how to get your ex back. They will help you resolve fundamental problems and mistakes, and enjoy a healthy lasting relationship when you get back together with your ex.
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Copyright © 2008-2012 Molly Laws