Holiday Break Ups - Is Your Relationship Really Over?

“How was your holiday? Did you have a good vacation?” If you broke up with your lover during the holiday season, questions like these hit hard. While the rest of the world gushes about what a great time they had, you’re wondering what on earth went wrong. Is your relationship really over for good or is there a chance you can get your ex back?

One consolation is that you are not alone. More people break up during the holiday season or Summer vacation than at any other times. Holidays are relationship minefields.

So why is this? Why do so many break ups happen during the holidays?

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For one thing, we begin our holidays with high hopes and expectations. Our tolerance level of anything that “goes wrong” or threatens to spoil things is unreasonably low. We spend a lot more money than usual, a common cause of stress and arguments, and have more contact with each other’s friends and family – a danger zone at the best of times. We can be overly sensitive and critical about how our partner looks and behaves, while underlying stress, not to mention too much alcohol, can lead any of us to say and do things we regret.

The good news is that holiday break ups are often an easier fix than most. They happen at a time when things are unusually stressful and emotional, and often new in terms of shared experiences. After all, holidays don’t happen that often, leaving us unprepared for the impact they can have on our relationships.

If you can answer “yes” to the following three questions there is a good chance you will get back together with your ex.

Did you have a good relationship with your ex before the holiday?
If yes, one or both of you has overreacted. Your relationship is fundamentally sound and deserves to be saved – and your ex most likely feels the same way.

Did you break up during (rather than after) the holiday?
Breaking up during the holiday suggests it was spontaneous, not planned - there is a good chance your ex regrets it. People who have already decided to break up usually do so some time after the holiday or vacation – it’s a “kinder” time to leave.

Can your break be tied to a specific event/moment during the holiday?
If yes, you have a good starting point for making repairs – something specific to fix and apologise for. This is a good thing. Many people have no idea what the real reason for their break up was – what they really did wrong - making harder to put things right.

If you have answered yes to all three, don’t rush into getting back with your ex. A cooling off period is a good idea to let hurt, anger and resentment settle down. Your ex may be keen to get back together too but pride and ego will be make it difficult to say so right away. Give your ex some space and it is more likely you will end up laughing together about your break up than arguing all over again.

In the meantime, open lines of communication and try to see things from your ex’s point of view. An apology that shows you understand will seem sincere and easier to accept.

If your break up has happened after the holiday and you believe it was planned, don’t lose hope. It will take more time – there are probably fundamental problems in your relationship – but it is possible to get your ex back.

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