When you still care for your ex it may seem there is a chance of getting back together but you wonder, is my ex stringing me along? Something is telling you they may be and it is wise to listen to your instincts to avoid getting hurt.
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Maybe you suspect your ex is stringing you along because one minute they’re all over you, saying they love you, maybe even having sex with you. The next, they’re cold and distant, not answering texts or calls.
You may suspect your ex is stringing you along because they want your advice about everything, a shoulder to cry on, someone they can “really talk to,” and again, sometimes sex. It seems like they really can’t live without you – you’re important and special – until they say, “but I just want to be friends.”
Either way, mixed messages from an ex are hurtful and confusing, particularly when an ex is now with someone else. What do they want?
- It could be that your ex is indeed stringing you along as a back up option for sex or a relationship.
- They may have no idea of how confusing and misleading their behavior is. They may genuinely want to be “just friends” not realizing how hard it is for you – you want to be much more than friends.
- Perhaps your ex wants to be more than friends too – they just don’t know it yet, or don’t know how to say it.
Whether your ex is guilty or innocent of deliberately stringing you along, you need to know where you stand and draw a line to protect yourself from being hurt.
So how can you tell if your ex is stringing you along, or if they really do have feelings for you – if there is a solid chance that they want to get back together too?
One thing you can do is weigh up the evidence. Look at their behavior. Are there positive sure-fire signs that your ex wants you back or are you fooling yourself?
Another thing you can do is stop guessing - arrange to have a serious talk with your ex. Tell them how they make you feel and how confused you are about what they want and what the future holds. Tell them that you need to know because you need to move on and to do this you need to know exactly what the nature of your relationship is.
- If your ex is stringing you along for selfish reasons, there is a good chance that they will try to persuade you that they have feelings for you that they can’t put aside, that they keep coming to the surface – that they are confused too. This is an all-too-neat excuse for the hot-cold behavior of an ex who is stringing you along. Do not accept it. It is time for them to make a decision. Either you get back together or you remain apart – with clear boundaries between you.
- If your ex is not stringing you along – their behavior has been altogether misinterpreted – they will be surprised and apologetic about how it has made you feel. They will be happy to explain what exactly their feelings for you are so that the two of you can move ahead with no misunderstandings. You must be prepared for the fact that their true feelings may not be what you want them to be. They may have no intention of getting back together with you.
- Finally, if your ex does still care for you and (consciously or subconsciously) wants to get back together, your talk will force them into confronting their true feelings and making a decision about your relationship. They may not be able to make a decision right then. Give them time and arrange to meet again to find out what their decision is. In the meantime, keep your distance so that your ex gets a taste of what life without you is like – and how they feel about it.
In summary, do not live in limbo land wondering, is my ex stringing me along? You may be setting yourself up to get hurt – or missing an opportunity to get back together with your ex sooner rather than later. Until you get some answers – treat yourself with respect and draw a line when it comes to sex with your ex.
Copyright 2008 Caroline Mackenzie
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