After a break up a top query is, “How to make your ex boyfriend want you back“. It’s a no-nonsense kind of question that really cuts to the chase! I’m guessing then that the ideal answer is a quick fix “magic spell” – a way to take over his mind and make your boyfriend want you back – like it or not!
Unfortunately, there’s no 100% guaranteed magic spell – that I’m aware of! But there are ways to work some real-life magic on his mind to make him want you back.
An important thing to bear in mind is that you can make your boyfriend want you back without even seeing or talking with him.
Remember, keeping your distance for a good few weeks after a break up works plenty of magic by itself. It’s the only way your ex boyfriend will start to think about and miss you. But this doesn’t mean he won’t hear about you, or happen to see you now and then if you still go the same kind of places!
Creating a mix of distance and desirability is pretty powerful. So, think of the lack of contact between you and your ex boyfriend as “your friend” – the key to making him want you back.
Here are 6 essential tips on how to make your ex boyfriend want you back. (Of course there are some other important things you need to do too. For an overview of all the steps to win him back, see How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back.)
Be the woman your ex boyfriend loved
Standard procedure in getting an ex back is figuring out what you did wrong – what type of girlfriend you were, the real reasons your boyfriend broke up with you, and so on. How does this compare to the person you were when you first met, and when things were good?
When you revive the person he loved you’ll be on track to making your ex boyfriend want you back. After all, the “old you” is someone he loved and those feelings and memories haven’t just disappeared. As Mike Griswold, creator of the excellent M3 System to get an ex back (review) explains in this video, this is pretty much the real secret of how you get an ex back.
How will your he know the “old you” is back in play again if you don’t have contact? Find some ways you can demonstrate the qualities he loved. For instance, if he loved your caring side, you could join a volunteer group. If he loved your upbeat, cheery personality you can make sure that that’s what everyone sees. And if someone asks you what went wrong, be honest about your shortcomings – it’s amazing how “word travels”.
Even if he doesn’t hear about these changes on the grapevine, when the time is right to meet he’ll be impressed by your understanding of what wrong, and see proof that you really can be the woman he loved again.
Work your assets
Ok girls – you have a big advantage when it comes to making an ex want you back! As we all know, men are more visually stimulated. In other words, you have the power to affect how your ex feels about you by how you look, so use it! Book a salon, revamp your wardrobe, get a free makeover in a cosmetics department…
Your ex boyfriend doesn’t even need to see you for this to work. All it takes is that he hears how great you’re looking. Ideally, he’ll hear it from his friends, too. This will make him feel more comfortable about how they will react if he decides to get back together. If there’s one thing that guys understand about each other, it’s that an attractive woman is hard to resist.
And chances are, he’ll “happen” to bump into you, to see for himself. And yes, there is a good chance he’ll get anxious about you getting together with someone else.
What’s more, you deserve to give yourself an emotional boost by treating yourself to a makeover. It may feel like the world’s come to an end but there’s no need to look like it!
Next step to make your ex boyfriend to want you back is to work on your attitude – and smile! This may feel impossible but guess what – if you don’t do it you may as well give up. Many ex boyfriends tell me they’ve stayed away – and intend to keep staying away – because their ex girlfriend has a huge black cloud over her head.
Miserable behavior is a huge turn off for men and quite frankly, men find it frightening – they hate emotional drama. On the other hand, two qualities that men find especially attractive are confidence and cheerfulness.
You need to project a positive “aura” at all times, and do your crying in private.
When your ex boyfriend hears or happens to see that you are positive, cheerful and upbeat, it will boost your attractiveness and (importantly) he will be not be afraid to talk or meet with you when the time is right.
Be desirable to your ex boyfriend – but unavailable!
So now you’re desirable – more like the woman he loved, looking great and acting positive. But you also need to be unavailable! This will up your desirability a good few notches because men – ex boyfriends included – want what they can’t have.
There are a couple of schools of thought on how to use this to make your ex boyfriend want you back:
- One is to be unavailable to your boyfriend – and avoid dating everyone else too.
- Another is to be unavailable to your ex boyfriend but flirt with or even date other guys.
My advice? Go for option 1 with a tiny touch of option 2 – be unavailable to everyone, with a light sprinkling of flirtation.
On the one hand he’ll suspect he’s the only one who has a chance with the “new improved you”, which will boost his ego, especially if his friends are commenting on how great you look. But on the other hand, he can’t be sure because you don’t exactly seem broken-hearted – you’re bright, cheerful and flirty! And maybe on the verge of dating someone else?
Keeping him guessing is good – it means he has to think about you, and his chances!
Don’t be a know-it-all!
There are two big mistakes that can be made when “making” your boyfriend want you back.
- One is underestimating your ex boyfriend. If like many women you think that men are a little, er, “dense”, think again! Men are surprisingly good – or canny – at sensing a game in play and as it happens, manipulation is another big turn off. In fact it’s one of the top reasons why men call it quits. So, be careful. You may think you’re being clever but don’t ever think you can play your ex boyfriend him for a fool.
- The other is second guessing your ex boyfriend. As Jason Collins says in this Psychological Tricks to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back video, it’s no good thinking like a woman to get a boyfriend back. What pushes a man’s buttons is quite different, and as a woman, it’s easy to get things wrong. So, don’t guess what will work – get expert advice on the right buttons to push to get a boyfriend to want you back.
Get a complete bag of tricks to make him want you back
You need to know how to “mess with his head” and how to do it without messing up. The “safest” thing to do is get a complete step-by-step plan that gives you proven tips and tricks for getting a boyfriend back and steers you clear of mistakes as you put them into action.
Unfortunately there aren’t many books for women, focused on how to get an ex boyfriend back. Or at least, not good ones. I review a lot of books and so far just two stand out (both ebooks):
- Michael Webb’s Getting Him Back for Good – read my review
- Jason Collins’ Seduce Your Ex Boyfriend Back – read my review
It’s also well worth checking out the rest of the best books for getting an ex back – my top picks of the “unisex” ex back plans. Although they’re unisex they do include some extra advice on getting a boyfriend back, or a girlfriend.
To choose the best one for you, ask yourself what your “attack style” is.
Do you feel more comfortable with a “straightforward” approach? Or are you happy to go with a more go-getting “psychological tricks” attack plan?
You don’t have to think too hard because all the best books on getting an ex back come with lengthy guarantees. If they don’t seem like the right plan for you, simply get your money back in a few clicks, no questions asked.
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