To know how to get your ex boyfriend back you need to know the reasons for the break up. You can’t fix things if you don’t know what needs fixing. But for women, this is easier said than done!
Boyfriends have a tendency to exit a relationship via the easiest route. Or in other words, to make excuses – or say nothing at all – rather than explain the real reasons they decided to break up.
This is why boyfriends often break up out of the blue over a silly argument, or simply make a run for it with no a quick “That’s it, I’m out of here!” Even when a boyfriend explains his reasons in great detail, more often than not his girlfriend senses it’s a “smoke and mirrors” act. A dead giveaway is when the explanation is of the “It’s not you, it’s me” or, “You deserve better” variety – one of those cliches that nobody really believes.
Although women often do the same thing – break up without explaining the real reasons why – they are far less likely to do it than men.
Understanding why men tend to dodge the truth will help you succeed at getting your ex boyfriend back.
Why Boyfriends Makes Excuses for the Break Up
The real reasons for a break up are usually difficult to explain because they are almost always related to a pattern of behavior that a partner isn’t happy with, and isn’t happy to tolerate anymore. But speaking the truth – “I can’t stand to be with you anymore” – isn’t easy, and it’s not enough. Statements like these have to be explained because a girlfriend is always going to ask, “why?”
For men especially, just the thought of that “why” is a big problem – and a situation best avoided.
For one thing, men aren’t exactly into deep, emotional discussions, and the idea of delving into the nitty-gritty of a break up is not something they are generally comfortable with.
For another, men dread emotional confrontation and avoid it at all costs. There’s no way they can avoid the upset of the break up itself but they can do their best to avoid making it worse with explanations she’s sure to hate. So, boyfriends often resort to damage control measures such as:
- Avoidance – breaking up with no explanation at all
- Diversion – blaming the break up on a specific incident or argument.
- Acting like a hero – making it seem like the break up is really for his girlfriend’s benefit.
How This Can Help You Get Your Boyfriend Back
If you’re one of the many women who’s been left scratching your head, wondering “What happened?” there are some valuable lessons to be learned from this.
- Don’t push your ex boyfriend for an explanation, or a more truthful explanation. If he wasn’t happy giving one in the first place, he’s going to feel angry or threatened at being pushed into a conversation he’s not happy to have. The more you push, the further you’ll drive him away. This is not good – there is a danger he’ll shut down communication, permanently. Soon after a break up you need to keep the communication door open but at the same time give your ex boyfriend space until the time is right.
- Accept it’s up to you to figure out the real reasons for the break up, which means you’ll need to make a great effort to be totally honest about your shortcomings. Remember, a particular argument or specific incident is most likely an excuse. The top real reasons boyfriends break up are ongoing behaviors so focus on your general behavior and ways in which you were no longer the kind of girlfriend he wants. Is there a chance you became (or seemed to) one of the types of women that men don’t like, leaving your boyfriend wondering, “what happened to the woman I loved?’
- Your ex boyfriend’s excuses will help you get a second chance. Ironically, if a girlfriend is “lucky” enough to get a detailed and truthful explanation for the break up, it’s harder for her ex boyfriend to believe she’ll change. He’s just handed her a checklist of problems so it’s easy for her to say “I’ll change all that”, without thinking or really meaning it. On the other hand, a girlfriend who has figured it out for herself, through some honest and painful soul searching, obviously has a genuine desire to make a change – a big asset when it comes to getting a second chance with your ex boyfriend.
- At all times, keep emotions in check (or under wraps, at least). Men dread emotional confrontation at the best of times, not just during a break up. If your ex boyfriend hears or sees that you are an emotional wreck, it’s going to be a major obstacle in your campaign to get him back. He won’t want to talk with you, let alone agree to meet up with you. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve and be careful who knows how devastated you really are – only share your true feelings with your most trusted friends.
An original article by Molly Laws, exclusive to this site!
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Want to know more about how your ex boyfriend thinks and feels? Jason Collins, author of “Seduce Your Ex Boyfriend Back” (reviewed here), provides some insights into the male psyche in this video, including psychological triggers that can be used to get a boyfriend back.