Whether or not you should give a cheating ex a second chance is a tough question. It’s tough because you need to be:
- Honest about your ex and why they cheated.
- You also need to be honest about yourself and your relationship with your ex.
Let’s take these things one by one.
Your Ex and Why They Cheated
First of all, your ex has cheated but why did they cheat on you? This depends on what type of cheat they are.
There are two types of cheats – one-time cheats and serial cheats.
Deep down in your heart you most likely have a sense of which type of cheat your ex is. But, it’s very difficult to tune in to this when you are overwhelmed by anger, hurt and bitterness.
So, here’s a run down of the difference between serial cheats and one-time cheats, to help you get back in touch with the reality of the situation.
One-time cheats make a genuine mistake. They regret it. They hate themselves for the fact that they have cheated. They are frightened by what they have lost or nearly lost – the person they truly love.
Caught or not, they won’t do it again.
Serial cheats, on the other hand, intend to have their cake and eat it too. They are not particularly concerned about getting caught. They invest less heavily in relationships than their partners do and they believe their partner’s love will get them a second chance – if they are unlikely enough to get caught.
Bottom line? Serial cheats think they’re entitled to fool around, and always will.
Which Type of Cheat is Your Ex?
This is the big question and to answer it you need to be honest. This means you need to make a serious effort to put aside your anger, hurt and so on, and think realistically. You also need to any ignore tears, pleas, promises and other “signs” of guilt and remorse your ex may have shown. Serial cheats have practiced for the day – or should we say days – they get caught.
- Has your ex cheated in a former relationship?
- Have they cheated before in your relationship?
- Have you suspected them of cheating in the past – more than this one time you know about?
- Were there good solid reasons for your past suspicions?
- Were parts of their life always kept off-limits to you?
If “yes” to any or all of the above, you most likely should not get back with your ex – your ex is a serial cheat. You will soon be back to square one, asking yourself, Should I give my cheating ex a second chance? They don’t deserve a second chance, and you deserve better.
If this isn’t clear to you – or you are reluctant to accept it – then you need to ask yourself some more questions.
- Are you more afraid of being alone than being hurt again by your ex?
- Do you believe it is your fault that they cheated, and you need to change?
- Do you believe your ex will change “because they said so?”
These are not valid reasons to give a cheating ex a second chance. They are reasons to get help to feel good about yourself, recognize your own worth (which your ex doesn’t) and move on – without your ex.
If on the other hand your ex has been:
- Fully committed to your relationship
- Sharing and open about all aspects of their life
- Has never been unfaithful to a former partner
- Has never been unfaithful to you
- You never had the slightest reason to suspect your ex of cheating
… then you have good reason to believe your ex is a one-time cheat.
In this case, you should consider getting back with your ex even though they have cheated.
Accept the Possibility that Your Ex Deserves a Second Chance
There is never any excuse for cheating, which is why it is never your fault. But a genuine mistake accompanied by genuine remorse deserves at least a chance of forgiveness.
This may be very difficult to see but there is no clock ticking. You have all the time in the world to decide if you feel you should give your one-time cheating ex the second chance they desperately want.
You may find that one-time cheat or not, you can never forgive your ex – it’s over. But you may also find that despite all you are feeling now, your relationship had enough value and substance that you are prepared to give it a second chance.
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