If you have cheated and want to win your ex back, don’t even think about making any excuses for cheating. If you have already thought of a way to explain – to make your ex understand and (hopefully) forgive you – forget it. Any excuse for cheating, however good it seems to you, will most likely ruin your chances of getting your ex back.
There is no excuse for cheating. You have probably heard this many times and it’s easy to dismiss as angry ranting that doesn’t match up to reality. But the fact is, it’s true. Your ex knows it and, deep down, you probably know it too – cheating is inexcusable.
For instance, you can explain the chain of events that led up to your cheating – the temptations, emotions, etc. – but however persuasive these events were no one forced your hand. At some point you decided to cheat, even though you knew it was wrong.
Of course many a cheating ex will give a kind of “temporary insanity” plea saying they lost their sense of right and wrong because they were drunk or high. Even in a court of law, let alone face-to-face with your ex, intoxication is not an excuse for cheating.
Drink and drugs certainly make people less inhibited – less shy, less fearful and so on – but they do not wipe out a person’s sense of right and wrong, or force people to do things they don’t want to do. Remember, your ex has most likely been intoxicated themselves at some time, and knows this.
Another classic excuse for cheating is that it didn’t mean anything. It may well be true but it is likely to seriously provoke your ex. The obvious response is, if it meant nothing, why did you do it? Why did you shatter everything your ex believed in – believed about you and your relationship – for nothing?
The bottom line is, all excuses for cheating are likely to anger your ex, and backfire.
Excuses are by definition an attempt to justify something in order to get forgiveness. This is fine when it comes to explaining why you were late for work but there are no valid excuses for cheating. Any attempt to justify cheating not only insults your ex’s intelligence and common sense, it hints that you have tried to justify cheating to yourself – that you are sorry, sort of. What’s more, an excuse paints a picture of circumstances that could easily repeat themselves, giving your ex no reason to believe that you won’t cheat again.
The truth is, you had an opportunity and you decided to take it. Drunk or sober, you knew that what you were doing was wrong and decided to act first and think later. Now you are in the thinking phase – without your ex – and deeply regret it. You probably hate yourself and wish you could turn back time, are desperate to get your ex back but afraid you never will.
You can get your ex back after cheating but you must understand that excuses are not going to win your ex back. The key to forgiveness is how you feel about what you have done.
Need to say sorry to your ex … after Cheating?
Get the extra help you need to get your ex to forgive you – read about the Clean Slate Method
A formula for success when you apologize to your ex.
To forgive you, your ex needs to believe that you are genuinely and 100% sorry for what you have done. They cannot believe this if you make excuses suggesting that cheating was not entirely your fault. You must be completely honest (to yourself as well as your ex) and admit the truth – that there are no excuses. You made an inexcusable mistake and take full responsibility for the terrible hurt you have caused your ex, and are truly suffering for it.
While excuses lack credibility, everyone, your ex included, understands it is possible to make a mistake and how terrible it feels to suffer the consequences of our own stupidity. The more your ex believes that you blame yourself 100%, the more they will be able to believe that you are suffering, truly remorseful – and unlikely to cheat again.
So, a critical part of how to get your ex back after cheating is not to make excuses. Focus on forming an honest, emotion-based apology that explains to your ex how you feel about what you have done. Think too about how your ex feels. The more your ex believes that you are truly and 100% sorry for cheating, the more likely they are to forgive you – for making the mistake of your life.
The best books to win an ex back (complete strategies) include in-depth advice on exactly how and when to apologize, and all other critical steps to win your ex back. For instance, the Magic of Making Up (read our review) includes a Clean Slate formula that can be used with one other technique to get forgiveness after cheating in the shortest possible time.
Copyright © 2009 Caroline Mackenzie
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