You need to think again.

However hopeless your situation seems, it really is possible to get your ex back.

A good first step to believing this is to try to think beyond you and your ex.

Millions of other people have broken up, felt just like you do and found it was possible to get their ex back.

And for many (if not most) the obstacles they faced – the reasons for the break up – will have been the same if not far worse than yours.

For instance, people manage to get their ex back after cheating, committing serious crimes, persistent substance abuse, destructive jealousy, violence or other abusive behaviors, or simply changing beyond recognition from the person they once were.

However serious their “relationship crimes”, they get their ex back.

In other words, as T.W (T Dub) Jackson, author of The Magic of Making Up says, “There are no impossible situations. However hopeless your situation seems and even if you are the only one willing to try, it is possible to get your ex back.”

Believing this is a constructive start, and a necessary one, to actually making it happen. It’s not fluffy “positive thinking.” It’s a fact that you have every chance of getting back together with your ex. The only obstacle to making it happen is you – whether you make the most of those chances, or blow them.

This is where complete strategies like T-Dub’s “Magic”, one of the best books for getting your ex back, can help. They show you how to work your chances with your ex, and avoid fatal mistakes. But first of all you need to do yourself a favor, pull yourself out of the doldrums and believe that it really is possible to get your back. Because it is.

Deciding if you should get back with your ex also depends on how much time has passed since your break up. If your break up was fairly recent (within the last month, say) and emotions are still running high, it is too early to make a sound decision about getting back together with your ex.

If some time has passed and you’re leaning one way or the other but have trouble making a firm decision, read on.

These guidelines will help you decide if you should get back together with your ex, or not – whether your relationship deserves another chance.

They will also help you if your ex wants to get back together but you aren’t sure you should agree.

Should I get back with my ex? – the answer may be YES, if:

• You ended the relationship, and regret it. (Your reasons for regret must be solid, not just that you hate being alone, and so on.)
• You enjoyed a fulfilling, loving relationship with your ex up until your break up. (Ask yourself how happy you were for how much of the time you were together.)
• External pressures such as financial problems, family issues, illness, and so on, played a large role in your problems and subsequent break up.
• Your break up was out-of-the-blue, triggered by an unusual event and/or a built-up of stress that took one or both of you unexpectedly to boiling point.
• You can identify specific problems that led to your break up that you believe can be solved or forgiven. (If your ex cheated, get advice on whether to give a cheating ex a second chance.)
• You have solid signs your ex wants to get back together too, or they have said so.

Should I get back with my ex? – the answer may be NO, if:

• They were the one that ended the relationship.
• Your relationship has always been difficult.
• Your relationship problems stem from personality and behaviour traits that remain unchanged and are unlikely to change.
• You have broken up and got back together with your ex at least once already.
• You have a history of remaining in unhealthy relationships at all costs.
• You are afraid of life without a partner – any partner.
• Your ex clearly considers the relationship over, for good.

The answer is definitely NO if:

• You have suffered mental and/or physical abuse. You owe it to yourself to stay away long enough to get back a true sense of what’s “love” and what’s not.
• There are problems with alcohol and drug abuse. Don’t kid yourself that “love” will make them disappear. Most addicts must reach rock bottom before seeking professional help. Only then can love make a difference – maybe. Until then, it won’t.

Finally, ask your friends and family, “Should I get back together with my ex?” They can provide a valuable outsider’s view of whether or not you should get back together or let go and move on. They can biased and of course don’t know your ex like you do. But they do know you.

The ultimate decision about getting back with your ex or not must be made by you alone. After all, you are the one who will have to live with your decision.

Hopefully the above points will help you reach the right decision – Yes or No – about your ex but before committing yourself, live with it for a week or two.

If  you feel the answer is “No” – it is not a good idea to get back with your ex – get help to get over your break up, feel confident about the future and move on.

If the answer is “Yes”, move slowly. Check out tips and advice on how to get your ex back. They will help you resolve fundamental problems and mistakes, and enjoy a healthy lasting relationship when you get back together with your ex.

An original article, exclusive to this site!
Copyright © 2008-2011 Caroline Mackenzie

Ideas you have about how to get your ex back that seem to you like genius – sure to work – may strike your ex as a gross intrusion or even smell of stalking, and backfire.

If you’re convinced that your break up is a mistake that needs to be put right you need to think clearly and act correctly from the start.

Mistakes now could easily mean a permanent end to your relationship with your ex.

Avoiding mistakes is one of several reasons to get a complete guide for getting your ex back.

That said, there is a basic structure you can follow that will help answer the question “How do I get my ex back”. Remember, this is an outline. Be sure you think clearly before you act.

• Begin by asking yourself why you want to get your ex back. This will help you decide, “Should I get back with my ex?“  or if you are better off accepting the break up. For instance, sometimes the only reason a person wants their ex back is because they can’t stand the idea of their ex being with someone else. This isn’t love – it’s green-eyed jealousy. Make sure that this isn’t all about you. On the other hand you may miss your ex desperately but are they really good for you? For instance, should you give a cheating ex a second chance – do they really deserve one?
• Next look closely at why the break up happened in the first place. You have to look at your own actions and behaviors because you can’t control what your ex does. Can you see where you went wrong, where you failed to adapt? Are you really willing to change?
• Now start making changes. There are close to about ten million reasons why a relationship ends. Reasons can be mundane: you like to clean your toe nails while having dinner at your favorite restaurant. They can be dramatic: you cheated and gave your ex an STD. Work out what you have to change and start altering your behavior now. Don’t tell yourself you’ll make these changes after the two of you get back together. Your ex will see this, and quite rightly, as a lack of commitment on your part – little more than a ploy. You need to prove to your ex you can change.
• Next, you need to meet with your ex. You will need to work up to the point of arranging a meeting carefully. Get advice on making contact with your ex to be sure you have the best chance of getting them to agree to meet. Try to do something that you both enjoyed doing together in the past. At this meeting you need to demonstrate that you have made significant changes that make getting back with you an attractive proposition. You have to show your ex that getting back with you is beneficial for him or her, and not just for you.

All of these points can be widely expanded on. Success or failure in your quest to get your ex back greatly depends on the sort of person you are, the kind of person your ex is and the nature of your relationship.

I have to say it again: to have the best possible chance of getting your ex back, get a guide – a complete step-by-step strategy. The best books for getting an back guarantee to make it happen.

You can also check out our reviews of the top books on how to get an ex back, in-depth plans for getting an ex back that tell you exactly what you need to do.

In the meantime, here’s an overview of what’s involved – the key steps to getting an ex back.

Step 1 – Sit tight! – Wait before doing anything to get your ex back

You may have been crying “I want to get my ex lover back!” since the moment you broke up but there are good reasons to wait before making a move. These include the fact that your ex needs time for the reality of life without you to sink in. This is not going to happen unless you keep your distance and give your ex space for at least two or three weeks. In the mean time, soak up all the advice you can about how to get your ex back.

Step 2 – Take a deep breath! – Get your emotions under control

Whatever you feel inside, it is essential that you learn to control your emotions before you call or meet with your ex lover. Emotional, teary displays make people feel uneasy at best, manipulated at worst. Your ex will avoid talking or meeting with you if they suspect that this is what they will have to face. So in public at least, demonstrate control. Word will get back to your ex that you are not an emotional roller coaster.

Step 3 – Be honest! – Understand why your ex broke up with you

To understand how to get your ex lover back, you first need to understand why they called it quits. Take a good look at yourself. Admit your faults and mistakes. At the same time, think about your positive qualities – qualities your ex may have been missing for some time, and may be missing now as they remember the early days of your relationship. To get your lover back you need to get back this “better you.” What happened to that person?

Now it’s time to take action!

Step 4 – Put things right, mend your ways

Now that you know why your ex broke up with you, you can put things right. But here’s the thing. To get your ex back it’s not enough to say you have changed.

You must make a genuine effort to change, to deal with your weaknesses and pep up your strengths. For instance, get help with any emotional and behavioral problems that have affected your relationship such as insecurity, jealousy and anger. You will then be able to offer proof of change – books and articles you have read, classes you have joined, and so on – when you meet with your ex.

Step 5 – Arrange to meet your ex

This is a critical step of this How to Get Your Ex Back plan. Again, its critical that you wait until it’s the right time to contact your ex. When it is, first, take a deep breath. Then, call or text your ex to ask if you can meet.

Keep your it short, simple and cheerful. Suggest a casual venue that is new to you both – neutral territory not associated with the past. After all, you’re looking to make a fresh start.

Your ex-lover will naturally want to know why you want to meet. Assure them that you do not have a hidden agenda. Perhaps you have a good reason – a book or CD to return. In any event, explain that you would simply like a chance to meet in nicer circumstances than when you last saw each other, to clear the air and move on.

If you have to leave a message and don’t hear back, wait a few days or a week before trying again. Don’t second guess why your ex has not replied. They may be out of town, or simply need time to make up their mind that they would like to meet. They are more likely to decide that they do if they feel it’s “safe” – something that’s more likely if you don;t push for a response.

Step 6 – Take steps to look your best

Before you meet with your ex, take steps to an irresistible new you! Think about the things your ex most liked and disliked about your look. Although this part of the plan may seem superficial it is important. Looking good will boost your self-esteem and confidence, and encourage your ex to believe you have changed inside too. And of course, it won’t hurt to look desirable and appealing!

Step 7 – Be prepared, stay calm when you meet

When you meet your ex lover, you will probably both be nervous. Be prepared to make an effort to put you both at ease – after all you’re the one who asked to meet. So, before you get together try to think of some safe icebreakers, such as updates on work or friends. Another advantage to meeting somewhere new and unfamiliar to you both is that it will give you something to talk (and perhaps laugh) about.

Step 8 – Admit your faults – but don’t ask for a second chance

At some point, the conversation will turn to the Big Topic – your break-up. Make it plain that you recognize and accept your faults and mention steps you have taken towards a healthier, happier you. Make it clear that you are changing for your own sake, not anyone else’s – your ex included. Secondly, that you are not asking for a second chance. You simply want your ex to know that you understand why they left.

Your ex-lover may agree with everything you have to say about yourself, and more! Don’t get angry and defensive or point out that they have faults and shortcomings too. Let them have their say and get lingering emotions off their chest. If listening has not been your strong point, this is a chance to prove it can be!

If your meeting goes well – if you have stuck to your promises that it would be casual and civilized – you will be in a good position to suggest that you meet again some time. (Here’s more advice on meeting with your ex).

Step 9 – Give your ex-lover time and space

Now that you have accomplished the most critical part of this How to Get Your Lover Back plan – meeting with your ex – be patient.

Your ex should have left your meeting with a fresh perspective on you, your break-up, and how they feel about it. They will be impressed that you kept your promises. You were not emotional, demanding or made any attempt to get back together.

This is food for thought. Give your ex time to digest it. Try to keep busy, and your mind off the phone. If you call too soon, you will jeopardize your efforts to get your lover back. Your ex will sense that you did, after all, have a hidden agenda – and feel manipulated and cheated.

If your ex doesn’t call as soon as you’d like, again remind yourself that there are many possibilities, and that no news may be good news. In short, stay optimistic and get on with your life.

As you can see, a large element of this How to Get Your Lover Back plan is self-control. You need to control your emotions. You need to recognize and make a serious effort to minimize emotional and behavioral problems. You need to listen, and above all, you need to be patient.

It’s a challenge but you have a great incentive – this is what it takes for this How to Get Your Ex Lover Back action plan to succeed. For a complete, in-depth plan to get your ex back, consider one of the best books for getting your ex back.

An original How to Get You Ex Back Action Plan, exclusive to this site!
Copyright © Get-Your-Lover-Back.com

Remember, it really is possible to get your ex back but it’s also easy to make mistakes and ruin your chances of getting back together with your ex.

1. Take it slow – be patient and accept that it takes time to win your ex back.
2. Give your ex space – they can’t miss you if you are always calling or always where they are.
3. Don’t interrogate your ex’s friends or family about how your ex is feeling or what they are doing.
4. Don’t use your friends to spy on your ex – it’s sly, cowardly, and they’ll know what you’re up to.
5. Keep the lines of communication open – make sure your ex knows they can call whenever they like, for whatever reason.
6. Admit your faults and make a genuine effort to change that will impress your ex and prove you really want (and deserve) to get a second chance.
7. Don’t be moody – few people, your ex included, have got time or patience for an emotional roller coaster.
8. Smile, at least in public – acting like a needy wet blanket is no way to win your ex back.
9. Look your best – it will make you feel better, as well as impress your ex. They might even start to worry that someone else will snatch you up!
10. Get on with your life – it will have to go on anyway and will help you win back your ex by showing you are in control. No one likes an emotional train wreck.

These tips to win your ex back are just a quick introduction to some of the “dos and don’ts” of getting your ex back.

You’ll find more detailed tips and advice on winning your ex back in our Essential Tips to Get Your Ex Back section, including our Action Plan to Get Your Ex Back.

You can also check out complete plans to win back an ex – details in our eBook Reviews section.

An original Tips to Win Back Your Ex article by Caroline Mackenzie, exclusive to this site!
Copyright © Get-Your-Lover-Back.com

The trouble is, being emotionally charged and revved-up for action is not a good mix! It’s a formula for rash, knee-jerk reactions to your break up that are steps in the wrong direction.

For instance, a common but disastrous first step is bombarding an ex with texts, email or phone calls – or all three! – instead of holding back and giving them space.

Another mistake is doing too good a job of acting like you don’t care – and saying and doing things you don’t mean to prove the point. Or, using jealousy to make your ex regret the break – a definite step in the wrong direction because, more often than not, it backfires, big time.

So what should you do?…

What is the Right First Step to Getting an Ex Back?

The best first step to getting your ex back achieves something important. Rather than anger, confuse and alienate your ex, it lays the foundation for a successful campaign to get them back.

• The good news is that it’s easy to do.
• The bad news is that it’s probably the last thing you want to do.

What is it?

Step One is… do nothing!

Yes, that’s right.

Now it’s almost certain that the idea of “doing nothing” goes completely against the grain of what you feel, and makes no sense.

This is because you are feeling a lot of anxiety (if not sheer panic) about the break up, about what your ex is doing today and what the future holds. You feel the urgent need to do something about it, to take some kind of step right now to fix the situation.

This is perfectly natural – literally. We’re hot-wired to respond to panic by taking action – often of the “act first, think later” variety!

To make sure you take the right kind of action you need to calm down and do your thinking first. And until then, do nothing at all.

Why This First Step Really Works

A common concern is, won’t doing nothing actually ruin your chances of getting your ex back?

Not at all.

The key thing to be aware of – to help you get on board with this one – is that just about anything you do right after a break up is likely to be the wrong thing.

The reason’s simple. You’ve just broken up, you’re emotional, and you probably haven’t got a clear of idea of the essential do’s and don’ts of getting your ex back yet. All you know is, you’re anxious to do something which puts you in danger of doing anything, right or wrong.

Doing nothing protects you from this – from making the kind of mistakes that are made in panic mode. At the very least, when you’re not doing anything it’s certain you’re not doing anything wrong!

It also means you are taking one of the most effective “early days” steps to getting an ex back – giving your ex space. As you browse around for advice you’ll read over and over how important this is, and with good reason. It’s the most effective way to get your ex to think about you, to think good things about you – and miss you.

There’s no danger that by doing nothing at this stage in the game your ex will think you don’t care, or that they will slip away beyond your reach forever. This isn’t going to happen. They know very well how you feel and you have a history together – shared memories tied up with all sorts of deep feelings. These memories and feelings don’t evaporate “like that” just because you and your ex are not together.

Hopefully you now feel confident that this first step to getting your ex back is the right step. But what next?

• For an overview of the next steps to take, see our How to Get Your Ex Back Action Plan.
• See our Ex Back Tips 101 for more advice an on getting an ex back.
• For steps and in-depth advice combined, check out the best ex back books (ebooks).

And stay positive. With the right advice it really is possible to get your ex back!

An original First Step article by Caroline Mackenzie, exclusive to this site!
Copyright © Get-Your-Lover-Back.com

You are probably itching to call, meet and talk. Maybe you find it impossible to keep your distance and use any excuse to text or call your ex.

Stand back!

Exercise some self control and give your ex space. Your incentive? If you don’t there is a good chance you will ruin your chances of getting back with your ex.

When an ex says they want space, they mean it.

Maybe it’s an excuse to break up – they’re not ready to be committed. Maybe your ex genuinely needs space and time to think about where they are in life and work out what really matters to them, your relationship included.

Whatever their reason – and whatever they think they have to gain by your break up – they may realize that the grass is not greener. That life without you is not, after all, better than life with you. That they have lost something – or rather someone – very important. You!

This cannot (and will not) happen if your ex has not lost you at all – if you are always calling, texting or “happening” to be where they are, and obviously ready to get back together at the drop of a hat.

At best they will take you for granted. If they can have you back anytime why not make the most of being single? At worst, they will be angry that you won’t give them space, avoid you and perhaps try make a point by jumping into a new relationship – anyone will do so long as it gets you “off their back.”

For your ex to miss you and regret your break up, they need to have a true taste of life without you. In other words, space, whether or not they have specifically asked for it. This means no calls, no texts, no “accidental” meetings.

If you do what you should do – wear a smile and get on with your life – your ex will hear positive things about you. How you look great, seem to be happy and moving on. Perhaps they will see it themselves if you genuinely happen to meet, in which case smile – no need to be unfriendly – and get on with whatever you are doing.

When you look your best, act your best and your ex gets to hear about it, they will think and remember good things about you – a good step in the right direction.

Keep your nerve. If your relationship had any value at all, your ex will think about you – how you are really feeling, what you are doing and what your plans are. At the same time, they will realize they no longer have the right to know any of these things – you are not a couple anymore.

What’s more, they will realize you are not waiting in the wings ready to get back into center stage of their life. You are a separate person busy playing center stage in your own life. Not only have they lost you, there’s a good chance they could lose you forever.

One way or another, at some time or another, how they feel about this will hit home. And it’s then you can expect a call. So, stay friendly, keep smiling, but give your ex space.

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As an adult, saying sorry is not so simple. Just like when we were kids, we often say the words when we are not really sorry at all, hoping it’s enough, but find it’s not. Forgiveness is not so readily given.

Part of the reason for this is is that even if we really are very sorry for some stupid thing we’ve done our apology often comes across as insincere or even sarcastic.

You probably apologized to your ex girlfriend or boyfriend a thousand times. You left the lid off the tooth paste, “oh, sorry”. You left the toilet seat up, again, “oh, sorrrreee”!

So even though this time, after a break up, saying sorry to your ex girlfriend or boyfriend really means something your apology only makes your ex angry. He or she has heard it before.

How do you get around this one? How do you apologize to your girlfriend or boyfriend in a way that makes them understand that you really are sorry and really mean it. How do you get the forgiveness that you know your ex has to give?

If you are trying to correct a big mistake, a mistake that could mean losing your ex forever, someone that should not have been lost, you will almost certainly have to apologize – and get it right.

One way to get it right is to use the Clean Slate Method, one of the unique techniques contained in T.W. “T Dub” Jackson’s Magic of Making Up, his best-selling complete strategy to get an ex back.

Now don’t be thinking this is a miracle, it isn’t. But the Clean Slate Method is a super-effective technique that shows you how to say “I’m sorry!” to your boyfriend or girlfriend in a way that they will not be able to pass off as just another meaningless apology.

If you want your ex girlfriend or boyfriend to understand that this time you really do mean it, when you say “I’m sorry,” it’s a technique worth knowing. You can learn more about about the Clean Slate Method and other unique tactics for getting your ex back at T Dub’s Magic of Making Up website, or read our review.

A couple years ago a friend of mine went through a nasty break up. She was devastated. And it showed.

She was desperate to get back together with her ex boyfriend but she seemed to be equally determined to show everyone, including her ex, just how much she was suffering.

Everyone, her ex too, felt terribly sorry for her. But she didn’t get her ex boyfriend back.

Instead of her ex falling back in love with her, he went out of his way to tell her that it was definitely over and that she should move on.

Tears, sobbing jags, slumped shoulders and a long, pain etched face. Does this describe you after breaking up with your partner? After a break up it’s tempting to wear your emotions on your sleeve. You want the world, and especially your ex, to know the hurt and misery you feel. In other words you are needy and pitiful. If you want to have a real chance of getting an ex back – to get your ex to fall back in love with you – this not the way to do it. You have to dump this mind set and slap a smile onto your face.

If you want to get your ex back it is crucially important to control your emotions, at least in public. To understand why this is so important think back to when you and your ex first met. Think about what you were doing and how you were acting. Think about the kind of person you were when he was first attracted to you. Chances are very good that you were not walking around with red, teary eyes and the attitude of an emotional victim.

To get your ex to fall back in love with you, you need to be the person he fell in love with in the first place, not an emotional wreck that, if he saw you now for the first time, he would pass off as a very high maintenance person and never have any interest in right from the start.

During your time together he has, of course, seen other sides of your personality, both good and bad. But during your first meeting, the first week or month of your budding relationship he saw a part of you that was powerfully attractive. To get him back, be that person. Be the happy, in control, loving person he fell in love with.

If you are asking yourself How do I get my ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend to love me again, if you want the love you had to be rekindled, you need to delve deep for the hidden strength inside of you and, in public at least, put a smile on your face and let the world know that in spite of it all you are far from shattered, you are whole and complete.

If this applies to your break up, you need to accept this. You need to identify what those behaviours were and avoid them, permanently and for real. A superficial show – verbal promises that “I’ve changed” – is not enough for your ex.

For one thing, your ex won’t believe you. No one changes fundamental aspects of themselves overnight. For your ex to even consider giving you a second chance they need to believe that change is real and lasting.

You need to be able to provide solid proof to your ex that you are making a genuine effort to change and be a better you. For instance, reading books, researching for help online, taking classes or even therapy. The only way you can do this is if you do are in fact making a genuine effort to change. If you really want a second chance with your ex you will be more than willing to do this.

For another, if you somehow manage to get a second chance through the mere appearance of change it will not be enough to keep you together. When the same old problems rear their ugly head again – and you can be sure they will – your ex will leave again. They will feel tricked, betrayed and foolish. Again, you’ll be saying, “I want my ex back.” But you had your chance and blew it.

There is a third reason, over and above getting a second chance with your ex, to make a genuine change: for your own sake. The emotions and behaviours that caused problems with your ex are likely to affect other aspects of your life too. For instance, jealousy stems from insecurity and low self-esteem which may, in a subtle way, be causing problems at work, or in relationships with friends and siblings.

By dealing with negative behaviours and emotions for your own sake you will end up with a healthier, happier and more attractive you – someone who is far more likely to get a second chance with their ex, and get them back for keeps. Your ex will have more respect for you and your efforts than if they were simply part of a master plan to get a second chance.