The articles below focus on how to make contact with your ex, and how to make it boost rather than ruin your chances of getting back with your ex!

Does No Contact Work to Get Your Ex Back?
Find out if no contact with your ex really works to get your ex back

Open Lines of Communication With Your Ex
How to keep the lines of communication open, giving your ex the freedom to contact you.

When Should You Contact Your Ex?
Advice on when you should contact your ex and how choosing the right time ensures a positive outcome.

Meeting With Your Ex
Advice to help you prepare for and have a positive meeting with your ex.

The answer is yes and no.

On the “Yes” side, having no contact with your ex for a certain amount of time will give your ex space and time to figure out what they really feel about you, and life without you.

In particular, to discover (perhaps to their surprise) how much they miss you as good memories resurface and problems to fall into perspective.

In short, the longer you wait before you contact your ex the better the chance they will welcome your contact. In fact, they may be on tenterhooks waiting for you to call or text. At the very least, you will not be setting yourself up for a brutal rejection by contacting them when their emotions are still running high.

On the “No” side, having no contact with your ex for too long and/or not intending to make contact first,period, can backfire.

If your ex knows you are anxious to get back together (and they most likely do) continuing to have no contact with them beyond a natural period of time will make a poor impression. At best, it will strike them as foolish, stubborn and essentially dishonest that you are not pursuing what you want – to get them back. At worst, they will start to doubt whether you do in fact want to get back together.

If your ex has (or has started to have) half an inkling that they would like to get back together too, rising doubts about your true feelings and intentions will make them guarded and defensive. As time passes – as you continue to have no contact beyond a reasonable amount of time – your ex will start to feel rejected and foolish themselves, and resent you for it.

In others words, with a certain amount of no contact your chances with your ex go up. Pass a certain point and they go down.

The lesson here is that having no contact with your ex works – to a point. It needs to be reasonable and make the right impression and this is achieved by having no contact for a limited amount of time.

Get advice on when to contact your ex and set a rough date. In the meantime, keep your distance but also keep the lines of communication open. Your ex needs to know that you welcome contact if they choose to make the first move.

In looking for advice about communication with your ex, you’ve probably already learned that the recommended course of action is to have no contact with your ex at all. But when you are anxious to get your ex back and take steps towards making it a reality, it’s advice that’s difficult to take. In practice, the situation is no so black-and-white. You must also keep the lines of communication open with your ex.

In a nutshell, having no contact with your ex has its value – done right. (See, Does No Contact With Your Ex Work for advice on doing it right.) It is an essential element of giving your ex space, something that will considerably boost your chances of getting back together. But at some point you will need to contact your ex as part of the process of getting back together. You must decide when this point is – when to contact your ex – and until then, keep your distance.

However, between having no contact and making contact, it is essential that your ex knows two things:

1. Your lack of contact does not mean lack of interest in your ex
2. That they are welcome to contact you at any time.

In other words, that the lines of communication are open and, if they choose to use them, they can expect a positive response. You will feel better too, not having to worry that your ex is holding back simply because they are afraid of rejection. (If they don’t get in touch, don’t fret – there are many possible reasons why and they aren’t necessarily bad!).

So, how do you make this clear to your ex if you are not supposed to have any contact with them?!

Obviously, it’s impossible! You will need to make contact but it must be strictly limited.

• First of all, aim for a low key approach – the least intrusive method of contact possible.
• Secondly, keep it short, simple and unemotional, without being cold.
• Thirdly, make it 100% clear that you do not expect a response – you are not asking for or expecting anything in reply. You must really believe this yourself, too. Remember, It is unrealistic to expect to receive (or successfully make) any contact with your ex for a good few weeks.

What are the best methods of communicating this?

Telling your ex in person or calling are not recommended. They are the most intrusive options for getting your message across and present the biggest danger that you will stray off topic or become emotional. Opt to let your ex know they can contact you anytime in writing – by text, email or good old-fashioned snail mail. Whichever you choose, you will need to get your message right. Take your time and scribble out some variations until you feel the words, length and tone of your message are just right.

Here are a few quick-fire examples:

Hi, just thinking of you. Hope you know you can get in touch anytime about anything, and that everything is working out for you. You deserve to be happy.

Or

Sorry to intrude. Just want to say that I hope you know you can get in touch any time, today or in a year! Hope you are well and happy. Take care.

Obviously you should craft your own message in your own words and style. But you get the idea – stay focused on the purpose of your contact (letting your ex know the lines of communication are open), stick to it and step back.

It’s a good question. How long you wait could improve or ruin your chances of getting back with your ex.

Contact your ex too soon and you risk several things:

Firstly, rejection. The closer the time is to your break up, the more likely it is that your ex is still feeling a potent mix of strong and perhaps conflicting emotions – anger, resentment, sadness, regret – or are not sure how they really feel.

Making contact at such a sensitive time instead of giving your ex the space they need, is intrusive and insensitive. It is highly likely that you will be rejected out of hand – your ex’s way of saying, “Back off!”

Secondly, “losing it” when your ex rejects you. You will have been anxious about contacting your ex but also hopeful for a positive outcome. When all fails – when you are at the receiving end of a harsh and possibly embarrassing rejection – it’s likely you’ll take it hard and overreact. Before you know it, what you had hoped would be a step in the right direction has quickly turned sour, leaving you with yet more work to do to win your ex back. Assuming you haven’t ruined your chances completely.

Third, slipping into stalker mode. The alternative possibility is that you will dig your heels in and try again, anxious about how poorly your first attempt went and/or to apologize for losing it. Right now it may be obvious that contacting your ex soon after a failed attempt would be foolish. In practice, driven by strong emotions, you may not think so logically. You may find yourself slipping unawares into stalker mode. Just one or two unwelcome attempts at contacting your ex will earn you the label.

So, when is the right time to contact your ex – how long exactly should you wait?

The point of waiting at all is to maximize your chances of getting a fair hearing and (therefore) a favorable outcome. On both fronts, the key requirement is that your ex’s “early days” emotions have had a chance to settle down. As we all know, with time things fall into perspective. We start to see things in a new light. Big problems seem not so important after all, good memories resurface, and emotions that seemed impossible, like forgiveness, seem possible after all. This is a good time to contact your ex.

How much time it takes to reach this point will vary, and you need to get it just right. As explained in Does No Contact With Your Ex Work? no contact for a limited time is good, no contact for too long is bad.

In all cases, you should allow at least two (ideally three) weeks to pass before having any contact with your ex. At (or just before) this point, make very brief and limited contact to let your ex know they can contact you.

You will need to adjust this minimum no contact period up (but never down) to suit the nature of your break up and your ex’s personality.

Was it a particularly difficult break up? Is your ex a deep thinker, cautious, stubborn, particularly proud, or typically angry for long lengths of time? Perhaps you’ve heard they seem fine, are having a great time even. Maybe they are – for now – or maybe it’s all a front. You just don’t know for sure (and neither do others) what their private emotions are. So, take such reports with a pinch of salt and stick to your guns – wait for the right time to contact your ex.

Remember, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by waiting for when the time is right before contacting your ex.

Both of you will be better equipped to respond respectfully and positively to each other. Your ex will have come to know their true feelings for you. They will have had time to consider the possibilities and to plan their responses to anything you suggest. If, like you, they have decided that they miss you and want to get back together – or at least not ruled it out – they may be on tenterhooks waiting for your call. Another great reason why you should wait for when the time is right before you contact your ex!

An original article on contacting an ex by Caroline Mackenzie, exclusive to this site

You have time to make sure you do.

If you are determined to get your ex back you will need to be patient, and wait. Initial contact with your ex must be slow and careful. When the time is right – be sure it is not too soon – you will have to have a face-to-face talk with your ex where you will raise the subject of getting back together.

It is crucial that you handle this meeting right if you are going to get back with your ex.

Be prepared for your meeting

In-depth advice on meeting with your ex is available in the The Magic of Making Up, the best-selling complete plan for getting an ex back (read our review)

Before this critical meeting with your ex, you have to do some soul searching. Consider the reasons for the break up. Be as unemotional as possible. Write down the reasons that you and your ex have broken up and then think about the part you played in each of them.

For your meeting with your ex to have value – for it to help you get your ex back – you need to know in which areas you are willing and able to make changes. You need to identify areas where you are prepared and not prepared to compromise. Be realistic. Don’t tell yourself that you will change some facet of yourself that you know in your heart you cannot or will not change.

Now you need to be good to yourself and allow this introspection to have a positive effect on you. Remind yourself that you are not a “bad person.” Like everyone else on the face of the planet, you have faults. You know what you are willing and able to change about yourself, and what aspects of your personality are simply immutable. Allow this self-knowledge to give you strength and confidence.

On the day you meet your ex…

On the day of the meeting with your ex, give yourself plenty of time. Don’t plan anything else for the day and take the day off work if necessary. You want to look your best for your ex and feed your self with plenty of positive self-talk. You want to walk into the meeting feeling good about yourself and knowing that getting back together is the right thing for both of you.

What to talk about

Keep the conversation light and casual at first. Ask about the same things you would if you were still together: work, books, sports, mutual friends, that sort of thing. Don’t be teary or grasping. When the time is right, simply say that you know that some aspects of your personality can be less than desirable at times. Tell your ex that you have been doing a lot of thinking about your own foibles and that you realize that these things did contribute to the break up.

Do not say that you are willing to change in order to get him or her back. That will only make you look needy. Instead say that you are going to change in order to be a better person; that you are making changes in your life for your self, not for him or her.

This is a critical moment. Tell yourself that to get your ex back you have to appear to be strong. At all costs you must avoid coming across as a needy, grasping person that is fit more for pity than for love.

In the steps you must take to get your ex back, looking critically at yourself can be difficult but it is an essential part of the process. If you can do this and emerge with renewed confidence in yourself and your ability to change, your meeting with your ex will go well and multiply your chances that you will get back together.