When an Ex Wants to be Friends

Sometimes it’s great when an ex wants to be friends but mostly it’s not. Maybe you want nothing to do with your ex anymore – it’s over – or maybe you want to be much more than friends with your ex.

Whatever your feelings, you need to know why your ex wants to be friends before you agree to be friends. As you will see, their reason may not be as innocent as you think.

If you still care for your ex you could be setting yourself up to get used and hurt. If you don’t, you could be setting yourself up for a whole lot of trouble by giving your ex false hopes or allowing them into your life, as “your friend.”

Got a minute…? Take our quick and anonymous Being Friends With an Ex SURVEY and help us to help you!

So, to help you make up your mind about whether or not it is a good idea to be friends with your ex here are possible reasons why they think it is.
To make sure you identify the real reason, be very honest about your ex – what type of person they are. Is it really possible your ex still cares for you, are they possibly vengeful and spiteful, or is your ex stringing you along?

One of the more harmless reasons why an ex wants to be friends is they think it is a kinder, gentler way to end your relationship. They have had a hard time deciding to break up and an even harder time doing it. They feel guilty about hurting you and want to do what they can to make you feel good about yourself. In practice, being downgraded from lover to friend – “You’re a great person and I’d like to stay friends” – can be more of an insult than a comfort.

Another possibility is that your ex wants to be friends because it makes life easier. You still mix with the same people, hang out at the same places, and so on. They don’t want you to cramp their style by getting get jealous, angry or creating a scene. In other words, by asking you to be friends your ex is basically asking you to guarantee you’ll “act nice.” That way they won’t have to hide out and miss out on the action.

It’s possible your ex wants to be friends because they still love you. If it has been a while since you broke up you may be thinking quite the opposite – that wanting to be friends is a sign they have finally accepted the break up. Don’t be fooled. It’s more likely a sign they want you back. Remember, it can take time for a hurt and angry ex who still loves you to realize they need some kind of contact – such as being friends – to have a chance of winning you back.

If your ex ended the relationship, they may want to be friends to keep their options open. They want to try life without you but keep you “on ice” as a back up option if it doesn’t work out. One of the biggest dangers is that they don’t necessarily intend to get back together. They may only be interested in stringing you along for sex. Either way, this brand of “friendship” will usually include a healthy dose of flirtation designed to keep you interested and available.

Sometimes an ex wants to be friends to keep tabs on you. They don’t want you anymore but they’re not happy with the idea of you being with someone else. This is not because they still care but because they are vain, selfish and controlling, and afraid of looking a fool if you quickly meet someone new and better than them. As “your friend,” they can be where you are and perhaps say or do things behind your back to spoil your chances with someone new.

As you can see, when an ex wants to be friends there are good reasons to think very carefully about whether or not it is a good idea.

Remember, there is no obligation to be friends with an ex. If you decide it is not a good idea, it does not mean you are choosing to be enemies. You can be civilized and polite without giving your ex the privileges that come with friendship. This is why, when an ex wants to be friends, you need to wonder why this is not enough – what they are hoping to gain.

How Do I Get My Ex to Fall Back in Love With Me?

If you have had an unwanted break up you may well be wondering, how do I get my ex to fall back in love with me? My advice? Get your ex back with dignity.

A couple years ago a friend of mine went through a nasty break up. She was devastated. And it showed. She was desperate to get back together with her ex boyfriend but she seemed to be equally determined to show everyone, including her ex, just how much she was suffering.

Read the rest of this article

Getting Back With a Cheating Ex - Get Balanced Advice

If you are looking for advice about getting back with a cheating ex, you will come across many articles that scream, “NEVER EVER get back together with a cheating ex.”

This hard-line “advice” smacks of lingering bitterness and resentment about the writer’s own experiences of a cheating ex. They have not been able to forgive but neither have they been able to forget.

They feel that all lovers who cheat should be kicked to the curb, permanently – that they should have no chance at all of getting back with their ex, period. This may echo the kind of of advice friends and family are giving you, especially if they were never fond of your ex.

You'll Greatly Increase the Chances of Getting Your Ex Back If You're Not So Stressed Out!

Get five hours of MP3 audio that has been specifically designed to help you to reduce stress and get control of your emotions.

There are five titles in this collection:

New Age Dimensions

New Age Exploration

New Age Healing

New Age Relaxation

New Age Tranquility

Find out how you can get them all free!

Of course sometimes a cheating ex does deserve to be kicked to the curb, hard. But this kind of advice - that you should never give a cheating ex a second chance - is not helpful.

It is a “no ifs and buts” solution to a problem riddled with ifs and buts, not the least of which are, “But what if I still love my ex?” and, “If I get back with my ex will they cheat again?”
This cut-and-dry advice ignores the fact that many couples do get back together (and stay together very happily) after a partner has cheated.
It forgets that giving a second chance applies not just to the cheating ex but to the relationship. And the fact is, some relationships do deserve a second chance.

To decide if your cheating ex deserves a second chance, you need to keep an open mind and not be drawn into a knee-jerk reaction to the fact that they have cheated. Whatever decision you reach it has to be one you can live with so that you can truly move on, with or without your ex. And to make a sound decision you need balanced advice.

So, take this kind of advice about a cheating ex with a pinch of salt. Read it, but also read more thoughtful and, importantly, more realistic advice on getting back with a cheating ex.

You can make a start with our article on giving a cheating ex a second chance - advice on when you should and should not consider getting back with a cheating ex.

Should You Give a Cheating Ex a Second Chance?

Whether or not you should give a cheating ex a second chance is a tough question. It’s tough because you need to be honest about your ex and why they cheated. You also need to be honest about yourself and your relationship with your ex.

Let’s take these things one by one.

First of all, your ex has cheated but why did they cheat on you? This depends on what type of cheat they are. There are two types of cheats – one-time cheats and serial cheats.

One-time cheats make a genuine mistake. They regret it. They hate themselves for the fact that they have cheated. They are frightened by what they have lost or nearly lost – the person they truly love. Caught or not, they won’t do it again.

Key Steps to Getting Your Ex Back

Understand what really went wrong, so you can start making it right

Realize that your situation is not impossible

Avoid panic and aggressive behavior that could end your relationship permanently

Make repairs so your relationship can be better and stronger than ever

Make a plan that will re-ignite the passion

The Magic of Making Up Will Give You a Complete Plan For Getting Your Ex Back

Serial cheats, on the other hand, intend to have their cake and eat it too. They think they are entitled, and always will. They are not particularly concerned about getting caught. They invest less heavily in relationships than their partners do and they believe their partner’s love will get them a second chance.

So be honest. What type of cheat is your ex? Disregard any tears, pleas, promises and other “signs” of guilt and remorse. Serial cheats will have practised for the day(s) they get caught.

Ask yourself, has your ex cheated in a former relationship? Have they cheated in your relationship more than once? Have you suspected them of cheating? Have parts of their life felt off-limits to you? Did you always give more to the relationship than your ex?

If yes to any or all of the above, you should not get back with your ex. You will soon be back to square one, asking yourself, Should I give my cheating ex a second chance? They don’t deserve a second chance, and you deserve better.

If this isn’t clear to you then you need to ask yourself some questions. Are you more afraid of being alone than being hurt again by your ex? Do you believe it is your fault that they cheated, and you need to change? Do you believe your ex will change “because they said so?”

These are not valid reasons to give a cheating ex a second chance. They are reasons to get help to feel good about yourself, recognise your own worth (which your ex doesn’t) and move on – without your ex.

If on the other hand your ex has been fully committed to your relationship, sharing and open about all aspects of their life, has never been unfaithful to you or a former partner, and you never had the slightest reason to suspect they had cheated on you or were likely to cheat, then you have good reason to believe they are a one-time cheat.

In this case, you should consider getting back with your ex even though they have cheated. There is never any excuse for cheating, which is why it is never your fault. But genuine remorse deserves at least a chance of forgiveness – an opportunity to turn a genuine mistake into a lesson to live by in future.

There is no doubt you will be experiencing a deep sense of betrayal, hurt, anger, confusion, and doubt about your ability to ever love and trust again. After all, everything you believed in has proved to be false, or so it seems. The person you always shared your emotions with is now the last person you can share them with, creating a deep sense of loneliness and isolation.

Unlike serial cheats, an ex who has made the one-time “mistake of their lives” will be deeply aware of what you are going through – and that it is their fault. Your ex will feel fully deserving of everything you throw at them. They will be prepared to wait as long as it takes for you to deal with the fact that they have cheated and decide whether or not you will give them a second chance. They will hope for this but not expect it.

So, you have all the time in the world to decide if you should get back with your one-time cheating ex. Use this time to let your emotions settle and reach a decision that you can really live with.

You may find you can never forgive your ex for the fact that they cheated – it’s over. But you may also find that despite all you are feeling now, your relationship had enough value and substance that you are prepared to give it a second chance.

Get a Second Chance With Your Ex - Prove You Can Change

To get a second chance with your ex you need to understand why they left. In many cases, it will be because your ex was no longer prepared or able to tolerate certain behaviours.

If this applies to your break up, you need to accept this. You need to identify what those behaviours were and avoid them, permanently and for real. A superficial show – verbal promises that “I’ve changed” – is not enough for your ex.

Read the rest of this article

Give Your Ex Space

An essential part of any plan to get your ex lover back is to give your ex space. Of course giving your ex time and space is difficult! You are probably itching to call, meet and talk. Maybe you find it impossible to keep your distance and use any excuse to text or call your ex.

Stand back!

Exercise some self control and give your ex space. Your incentive? If you don’t there is a good chance you will ruin your chances of getting back with your ex.

When an ex says they want space, they mean it.

Read the rest of this article